Story of a Post Exertional Malaise

I was in the hospital for two appointments: a spirometry test and a neurological examination.

It was a significant strain on my body, which operates in reduced mode. The spirometry, in particular, destroyed me: for fifteen minutes, I had to fully inflate and empty my lungs. As if I were a free diver trying to set a new world record! I returned home at 5 PM, dazed from that definitely full day.

The next afternoon, I began to feel a kind of burning in my eyes, followed by a sensation of drowsiness.

These were the first symptoms of PEM. This acronym stands for Post Exertional Malaise, which in Italian means "malessere post sforzo." It is the most debilitating and frightening symptom for those suffering from Myalgic Encephalomyelitis, in my case is due to Long Covid.

Any physical activity, cognitive effort, or intense emotion worsens the symptoms that already torment those who are ill with ME/CFS on a daily basis. Specifically, I believe my post exertional malaise stemmed from the effort of the spirometry and the long day spent in the hospital corridors.

During a post exertional malaise, my days turn gray. Everything becomes foggy, things lose their shape and dissolve before my eyes. I float in a painful limbo, where I am assaulted by spikes that pierce my flesh.

There are no cures. I endure, lying on the bed.

The painful spikes intensify, overwhelming me like waves that take my breath away. I curl in on myself, in a futile attempt to protect myself. My hands press against my temples like they are switches: "Stop! Enough! I give up!" I scream.

But this violence knows no mercy; it is driven by a fierce force that tears my will into irreparable pieces.

Post Exertional Malaise

Staying balanced in such a storm is pure illusion: hope is swept away by the first swell and swallowed into a black abyss.

So I remain, for an indefinite time.

When I wake up, everything in me is razed to the ground. I breathe as if it were the first time. I see, but I cannot look. I perceive my body; I feel it cumbersome beneath the sheets.

Confused, I slowly return to life.